Oh waiter . .
by Karen Town
Ok, so I’m sure that most of you have probably seen Pretty Woman and are familiar with the ‘posh dinner’ scene. I remember watching Julia Roberts struggle with the social etiquette of dining in a fine restaurant and finding it very amusing to watch.
Fast forward a few years and I find myself in a very similar situation.
In recent years I have had the good fortune to dine in many ‘nice’ restaurants, you know, where you have to dress up somewhat but you still get free refills on your coke.
This time was different.
For Valentine’s I surprised my husband with a trip to one of the finest hotels in London, we’re talking log fire and crystal chandeliers in reception. After an exhausting day out shopping in Harrods and catching a matinee of Starlight Express (great show by the way) we decide to take the ‘easy’ route and have dinner in the hotel.
I always thought of the silverware dilemma as a total cliché but believe me, its not – it’s alive and well! The difference with my experience though was it was a surprise attack! The table was laid out with just one knife and one fork – phew! No problem (or so I thought).
Cue – one snooty waiter!
He removes my silverware and replaces it with a fork and spoon. Now had I ordered spaghetti bolognaise then fine, but I hadn’t. I was expecting lamb cannelloni (I apologise now to all you vegetarians). How the heck was I going to cut through the lamb with a spoon? I did though you know, it was tough and I looked stupid doing it, but I did it.
What does one do in a situation like that? Does one summons the waiter and ask for one’s knife back? Notice how I am now using the word ‘one’ when referring to ones self – very posh eh? I don’t know. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I either ask for the knife and have all the waiters gather in the kitchen laughing at the ‘peasant’ at table 2 or I cut meat with a spoon and have all of the other diners shaking their head with a sad, pitying look (well not really, but that’s what it felt like).
Then of course there’s the wine list dilemma. The only bottle of wine I recognised was the merlot. It also happened to be the cheapest (I say cheapest with my tongue in cheek because it was a small fortune). I swear the waiter chuckled under his breath as we ordered it. Is that a ‘not done’ thing in a fine restaurant? Should you not order the cheapest bottle on the list? Is that a trick to weed out the ‘wannabe’ sophisticated people?
Who knows? Who cares really? It still tasted good!
Next time (and I think there will have to be a next time – I could get used to all that ‘poshness’) I don’t think I’ll worry. I think I’ll just ask for my knife back and order the bottle of wine of my choice, regardless of it’s ranking on the list. I think I’ll just try to remember that my money is as good as the people on the next table (perhaps not as plentiful but just as good).
The difference with Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman was that she had Richard Gere to guide her.
My husband is the same as me – clueless!
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