1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb..... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton -

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with dumb guys.
- Erica Jong -

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me.
One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.
I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner -

4. I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman -

5. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you gave birth.
- Erma Bombeck -

6. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
- Sue Grafton -

7. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
- Roseanne Barr -

8. I think - therefore I'm single.
- Lizz Winstead -

9. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler -

10. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson -

11. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
- Gilda Radner -

12. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.
- Margaret Thacher -

13. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
- Gloria Steinhem -

14. I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband: I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all
afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli -

15. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
- Baroness Edith Summerskill -

16. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
- Linda Ellerbee -

17. I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor -

18. Send this to five bright women you know and make their day.